First and foremost, hi!
It’s been a serious amount of time since my last post so my apologies for going off the grid.
Before I go ahead and tell you about my amazing hike the other day I need to fill you in on life!
Now, i’d be lying to you if I said San Diego weather is amazing year round – because it’s not. May gray, June gloom SUCK. It’s this unbelievably large film of fog covering all of San Diego, it’s beaches in particularly. It basically feels as though i’m living in an indoor soccer dome. May gray was not that bad this year however June gloom is already beginning to take a toll. Losing my tan, it’s too blah to hit the beach, energy levels are dropping, basically i’m being a drama queen and having a pity party BUT i’ve decided to take it upon myself to make the most of it.
I’ve recently quit my full-time 8-5ish job and decided to go back to serving. It’s been about a month now and I find myself with plenty of time for exploring and doing things that bring me genuine happiness.
The job I recently left was an awesome opportunity to work full-time for a start up business. I loved the business, co-workers, bosses, everything! I just found myself getting so caught up in work that I lost touch with myself. Not only myself but I lost touch with why I moved to San Diego in the first place, what my personal goals and aspirations were. Although the job was so supportive of me and my goals there was just a huge piece of me that was wrapped up, in my own head and lost. I needed whatever it was back. It took me a couple months to really pinpoint what was going on but as soon as I started hiking again or spending days doing things that I had once had plenty of time for I would soon after experience this wave of nostalgia and sadness.
The feeling was similar to what I experienced after college. I was so confused as to where I fit in and why I was unable to just be present and enjoy the things in front of me.
“Why am I sad doing things that I know I love to do?”
“Why are all my friends moving to Boston and getting “real jobs” while I am living at home and planning this move across the country?”
“Why would I ever leave my friends, family and people that I love to be alone in an unfamiliar place?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I just be happy, content and do what the majority of my friends and peers are doing?”
I looked down upon myself for not knowing what I’m doing with my life. For not wanting or pursuing a job in corporate america, for not having benefits and a 401K plan. I was jealous of those who already knew what they wanted to do with their lives. Jealous of the people who had their sh*t together because I most certainly didn’t/do not. However, I soon realized that spending most of my days behind a desk was just simply not for me and that is okay. It has nothing to do with anyone else but myself. I have this longing and drive for experiencing things that cannot be obtained by sitting at work all day. I need to capitalize on these things, moments and experiences or else I will have a constant void that needs to be filled.
The fear of settling into something such as a mediocre job just because that’s what society and peers are doing is so much greater than the fear of being judged by others for living my life a different maybe “irresponsible” way.
I had the conversation with my mom and she pointed out that it is not irresponsible at all. If I can be living a life that I enjoy, living contently and paying my bills then in what way am I being irresponsible. To others, including myself, giving up the opportunity to gain experience for a potential future career path may seem incredibly irresponsible. However, I’ve realized that not experiencing the life that I want to live is in fact irresponsible. Why should I let my subconscious thoughts of what others will think control the way I live. Breaking this norm of how I thought I should be living my life versus following my intuition and heart of how I want to be living my life has not been easy.
I’m 24 and I just don’t see the rush on settling into something that doesn’t bring me absolute happiness. We all deserve and are entitled to living a life that doesn’t necessarily bring us happiness 24/7 but allows us to live comfortably and contently. For me, happiness is the ultimate freedom and living a life of abundance is being able to afford all the things and experiences required to fully experience your most authentic life. So, as long as i’m paying the bills, putting some money away while still being able to say yes to majority of the things I want to be doing on a day to day basis, then who the hell cares what my job title is. So, if you’re in the same boat as me, stop feeling bad about yourself, comparing your situation to your peers and start living the life you want to live guilt free! Follow what makes your heart skip a beat, what you get lost in for hours on end, what brings out the kid in you playing sims and typhoon lagoon until mom says it’s time for dinner. Your full-time job should be doing and discovering what lights you up. Whether that’s being a school teacher, dentist (props to you), mathematician, mechanic, admin, marketing coordinator, WHATEVER it is!
“You are meant to thrive, and by thriving you automatically help others to thrive too. Think about it: Just standing next to someone who’s being totally who they are, who is lit up by life, who goes for it fully, who believes anything is possible, who is excited to be in on the adventure of spinning around on this planet, who allows themselves to look stupid, to fail, to succeed, to be rich, to be generous, to basically be, do and have all the things and experiences that make them the most themselves – it makes you feel like you could go out and flip over a car right? So why not be that for someone else by being the most you that you can be too?” – Jen Sincero – You are a Badass at Making Money
I didn’t move 3,500 miles from home to be cooped up all day. I want to live freely, explore, be selfishly on my own time because one day (a few years hopefully) I’ll be on everyone else’s! Work, hubby, family, kids (I can’t wait to find out – my actual life goal)whatever it may be but I will at some point not have time to make myself a priority so for now while i’m in my 20 somethings whatever you want to call it, here I am. Focusing solely on myself. Setting my soul on fire through various things that light me up – hiking, surfing, sitting in cafes, interacting with strangers, drinking beers with my best friends on a Monday, saying YES; simply having an open mind to see what this amazing universe has to offer me.
With that being said, i’ve decided to take my what seems like week off from work and drive east to the sunshine to hike!
Sunday I came across this beaut of a place.
Stay tuned for the in’s & outs of getting to this magical bathtub!